A Naruto Christmas Carol
by AsuraChaos
Summary: Yes, my twisted version of A Christmas Carol, using Naruto characters. Warning: The thought of some characters taking the place of characters from A Christmas Carol may make you laugh. Tiny Gaara, anyone?
1. Ch1: The Opening

** A Naruto Christmas Carol**

I blame this idea on the drama club. Thanks to being on the stage crew, I was able to memorize every little line at the loss of bits of my sanity, and now I bring to you ' A Naruto Christmas Carol'. It's loosely based on the great master piece written by Charles Dickens. And no, I do not own Naruto. It may seem odd who I have chosen to play as certain characters, but I think that it all fits together pretty well. Or at least it will in the end. I'm going to be splitting this into a few chapters, and the last one shall hopefully be out on Christmas day. Anyway, please enjoy my twisted little version of this great classic and Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah and Yule and anything that was not mentioned here.

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The story I am about to tell you takes place on Christmas Eve and is about a man named Kakashi, although some people later came to call him Scrooge, all thanks to a very odd mistranslation. He was a stingy man who loved nothing besides collecting jutsus and money and making everyone else miserable. Once, he had been a rather laid back but kind person, but that all changed after the death of a close friend and several other unfortunate events. In particular, he held a great amount of contempt for Christmas.....

It was cold and windy outside, but the streets of Konoha were crowded none the less. Young children played in the snow while others talked with friends while drinking steaming cups of hot chocolate. Parents shopped, and every where the sound of Merry Christmas could be heard. All the stores were decorated with bright lights and garland, with the exception of one. No lights decorated the outside of Kakashi and Zabuza's Scroll Store.

The inside of the store was nearly as grim and uncheerful as the outside. There were no decorations, and the heater wasn't even turned on. Near the corner, hovering over an old and battered desk, was Rock Lee. Repeatedly, he carefully dipped a brush into ink and drew intricate symbols, looked over his work, and then started again on another scroll. A large pile of scrolls had accumulated in the corner, obviously from hours of work. As the clocks chimed 6 o'clock, the doors opened.

"Kakashi-sama! Welcome back! We sold scrolls by the dozens today! I've finished most of the new ones to replace them, and I should be able to restock the shelves in a few minutes." Lee practically danced and shouted with holiday glee, while Kakashi decided to refrain from speaking until he had taken off his cloak and gloves.

"Have you written that letter to the committee yet?" Kakashi enquired as he sat down at his desk.

"Letter to the committee.... letter to the committee... Oh! No, sir, I haven't had the chance yet due to all of the customers and the need for more scrolls, but I will as soon as---"

"See to it that you get that done, and don't leave until you have!" Kakashi barked. "I don't want to be held responsible for any misuse of forbidden scrolls or jutsus. Last year I thought that there would be a riot in front of this store. Besides, it not as if we sold those scrolls directly to the kids that wound up almost burning down the school! If anyone's fault, it's the parents. What kind of person would use a powerful scroll as a stocking stuffer for some little kid that doesn't even know how to use it?!"

"Don't you mean 'What kind of person would give a powerful scroll to a kid'?"

"Nope, just the ones that don't know how to use them."

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** Somewhere off in the distance, at that exact time**

"Udon, Moegi! Look at this! I got this awesome scroll from some random person passing me on the street, and thanks to watching some shows on TV, I know how to use it!" Konohamaru yelled to his friends.

"REALLY?!" They shouted in unison.

"Yup, watch this!" Became the famous last words that many people later enjoyed making fun of.

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"Anyway, Lee, I don't want you to leave until you have finished that letter!'

"Yes sir!" replied Lee as cheerfully as usual as he went back to work. All was silent for a few seconds until.....

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!! No, I don't want to take part in any snowball fights, I have to get home soon! What.... wait!!!! Why are you all aiming at me?! No, stop!!!------" SLAM!!!! The walls of store shook at the force of someone slamming into the door, hard. Kakashi sighed and rested his head on his desk. He knew what was coming next. Just knew it. It happened every year without fail, and there was nothing to stop it from happening again this year. In fact, considering that now the little-bugger turned into a clumsy-fool and then turned into an in-love-and-clumsy-fool was newly married and probably feeling sentimental to his mother's old and miserly brother, Kakashi was about to go through an annoyance of the most troublesome sort. Turning the doorknob and beaming at his Uncle as he entered with his usual naive yet endearing smile, was Kakashi's nephew, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Uncle Kakashi! Guess what!!! I was wondering if you wanted to---"

"No." Kakashi answered immediately, already knowing what was going to happen. Naruto was going to tell him about his Christmas party, and then ask him to come. He would say no, and then Naruto would pester him until it got to the point where he would tell Lee to throw him out, to which Lee would always look shocked and do nothing, and then Kakashi would be forced to throw him out himself. And then he had to lock the windows as well since Naruto had one year realized that they could be used as doors if you could manage to squeeze through them.

"But Uncle," Naruto said, still as determined as ever. " You should get out and do something enjoyable for once, I'm sure that then people would come to like and look up to you as they once did years ago."

At this point, Kakashi was shocked. Who was he to mention anything about how people thought of him, or how they once did. Sure, he might be his nephew... but that didn't mean that.... well.... maybe he had the right as family... but still!!!! However.... At that point Kakashi decided to stop arguing with himself.

"Please... my wife extends her invitation as well, and she would be ecstatic if you came."

Kakashi simply sighed and rolled the one eye that was showing. Then he put his head back on his desk and went back to ignoring Naruto, wondering why he had even bothered to lift his head up before.

"Look!" Naruto shouted, finally losing his patience. "If you don't agree to come, then me and Sakura are just going to go to your house and drag you there!!!"

Looking at his watch to see how much time had been wasted, Kakashi grabbed Naruto by the collar, opened the door, and threw him head first into a pile of snow. Before Naruto's mind could even register what had just happened, Kakashi had slammed the door and quickly performed a jutsu that would prevent Naruto from entering while still allowing others in. There was no way that he would close the doors on last minute shoppers just to keep one brat from getting in.

As Naruto brushed the snow off of himself, two people wearing large winter cloaks that nearly covered them plus scarves and gloves and hats walked right up to him. They were so bundled up that Naruto couldn't even get a single glimpse of their faces, no matter what angle he looked at them from.

"Good evening, sir." The first one said. "We're raising money to help the poor. Would you like to donate anything?"

Naruto smiled angelically, and reached into his wallet, promptly forking over 10,000 yen. Then, noticing where they were headed, he said in a loud stage whisper "I wouldn't go into that shop if I were you. My Uncle doesn't really like Christmas, and he isn't exactly in the best of moods right now." Without waiting for an answer, Naruto hurriedly began to run towards his house, knowing that Sakura would be very pissed if he got home really late on Christmas Eve. And when she was pissed.... well, things tended to fly across the room, and he usually happened to be one of those things that went flying.

Meanwhile, the two 'charity workers' had decided to ignore his warning and enter the scroll store anyway. As they entered the store, Kakashi looked up, and the two went straight to his desk.

"Should I presume that you are either Kakashi-sama or Zabuza-sama?" The first one asked.

Kakashi, now wary of what they might want to talk to him about, simply answered with "I'm Kakashi. Zabuza died seven years ago on this very day."

Glancing momentarily at the other, the second one decided to explain. "We are raising money to provide the poor with food, drink, and means of warmth since they suffer very much in this cold season. Would you care to donate towards this benevolent cause?"

Kakashi, for the umpteenth time this day sighed. Solicitors, the one thing that he hated nearly as much as Christmas. They came in large numbers this time of year, and never seemed to notice the 'No Solicitors unless you wish to suffer a painful death' sign that he had hung by the front door. Although the neighborhood boys may have stolen it yet again.....

"No." He finally answered, snapping out of his train of thought. "I would not like to donate any money to your bloody benevolent cause." With that, he showed/dragged the two to the door and slammed it shut for the second time that day, this time flipping over the open sign to 'closed' as her turned to go back to his desk. It was getting late, and he wanted no more to do with the annoying people that just loved to bother him.

Upon making sure that no one was in sight, the second of the two individuals pulled down his scarf and took off his hat to readjust it, revealing silver hair and glasses. Turning to the other, he muttered "Orochimaru-sama, do you think that he saw past our disguises and recognized us?"

"No, Kabuto. I think that he was simply being a stingy ass. Not that it matters. We've already collected enough money to fund the 'Orochimaru World Domination' campaign. Let's head back to my village and begin planning stage one of 'The Plan'. Ku ku ku ku.... come, join me in my evil laughter."

"Yes sir" Kabuto replied dutifully. The two walked off into the darkness, laughing evilly all the way.

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"Kakashi-sama, I've finished the letter you asked me about." Lee said, setting the said letter onto the his boss's desk.

"Hmph. I suppose you'll want all day off tomorrow?"

"Yes, sir, if possible" Lee said, smiling happily.

"Yeah yeah, if I didn't let you have the day off, I'd probably have some people from the Scroll Maker's Union following me around all day just to get a chance to scream at me just like all the other people in this town."

Lee hurriedly grabbed his coat and ran out the door, barely listening. His family was waiting for him, including his poor son who he loved ever so dearly, and who suffered so horribly from an ailment that he would not mention right now due to it spoiling the plot. At least, he concluded, his son had perfect physical health. Mentally.... well, he wasn't sure of that. In fact, he knew that something there wasn't quite right, but that was something to think about later. Right now, he was going to head home to see his wife and children!

Locking the door, Kakashi hurried home as well. However, his night would not be as happy as the on that Lee was looking forward too. In fact, he did not at all expect what was going to happen in just a few hours time.....

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Yes, the end of the first chapter! But fear not, dear readers! I promise that the next chapter shall be up soon, school permitting or not. However, it might be awhile before I'm able to update my other Naruto fanfic, although I will eventually, as soon as I have time to finish formulating ideas for the third chapter and typing it up. Anyway...

Who is the ghost of Christmas past? And which characters have taken the place of Tiny Tim and the other members of the Cratchet family? And who is Scrooge's dear sister? Find out in the next chapter of 'A Naruto Christmas Carol'!


	2. Ch 2: The Ghost of Christmas Past

A Naruto Christmas Carol

Ch. 2: The Ghost of Christmas Past

Hello! I would like to thank everyone who reviewed the first chapter. Reading all of those really made my day.

Also, I would like to say ahead of time, although it will NOT be in this chapter, that I am not in any way promoting the pairing of Rock Lee and....... well, the character who will be playing Mrs. Crotchet. You'll just have to wait a little longer before you get the shock of your lives.

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Kakashi sat on a chair inside of his house. The fire in the fireplace had long since burned down to embers, but he made no attempt to start another one. Dust had accumulated on most of the furniture throughout the house, and Kakashi felt no need to do anything about it. It wasn't as if he was in his house much, anyway. It was only there for him as a place to rest when he wasn't at the shop or away on missions. It was a spacious abode, but few of the rooms contained more then a few pieces of furniture.

From his spot on the chair in the living room, where he was reading up on ways to save chakra while still using jutsus to their full power, he could hear the roaring sound of the wind outside. Strangely, it seemed to be yelling his name......

"Kakashi!!!!!!!" A voice cried out, seeming almost as if it was inside of his house. Immediately, he jumped behind the chair and pulled out a kunai. The sound of chains rattling filled his ears, and footsteps could be heard, ever so slowly shuffling their way towards the room. Slowly, the door swung open, and all the lights, save one, were extinguished. The light coming from the small lamp next to where Kakashi was standing flickered, but continued to cast its dim glow on the room. A figure stepped out of the shadow, and the rattling momentarily stopped. Kakashi's eye opened widely in shock.

"Kakashi!" It shouted, its voice sounding eerily distant. "It is I, Zabuza, your former partner from the scroll shop, who died from being crushed by a falling shelf!"

"I....... kind of figured that out already..."

"Really?" Zabuza asked, looking surprised. "I figured you as the type of person who didn't believe in ghosts."

"When someone that you know is dead is standing in front of you and can be seen through, it sort of clicks in your head."

"Okay..... I guess that explains it. Now, do you want to know what I'm doing here and why I'm wearing chains?" Zabuza asked, readjusting the chains for emphasis.

"Actually, I was rather curious about that."

"Well, here's the basic gist of it all. Some divine being or beings got mad at us, apparently because of the ways we have treated holidays and some people. To make up for the multitude of not so nice things I have done throughout my life, I have to wear these chains for all of eternity, and you, Kakashi, will find them waiting for you as well upon the day you die!!!"

"And you came to tell me this because????" Kakashi asked, wondering why his friend couldn't have left him to live the rest of his life in ignorant bliss.

"I have come to tell you because you can still save yourself from this fate." Zabuza replied. "Three spirits shall visit you tonight. The first at ten o'clock. The second at eleven o'clock. Finally, the third one shall come at---"

"Let me guess, twelve o'clock." Kakashi ever so rudely interrupted.

"Actually, no, he'll come at twelve thirty. He was originally scheduled to come at twelve, but he had...... other jobs to deal with. And I'm not supposed to tell you so don't ask." Kakashi promptly shut his already opening mouth, having been about to do what he had just been told not to.

"What exactly are these spirits like, and what are they going to do to save me?" Kakashi finally asked.

"They themselves can't save you as you have to do that yourself. However, they are going to show you what has been, what is, and what will happen if you don't change."

"You do realize that you have just confused the hell out of me, right?"

"Yeah, I felt the same way when I was told about what I had to tell you. But," Zabuza announced. "My time here is now up, and I must leave. See ya in two years."

"But I'm not that old!'" Kakashi exclaimed, shocked. "I'm only in my thirties! The grayish silver hair is my natural color! And I'm too awesome of a character to die on a mission!"

"Ha! That trick always works! Well, good bye for now." With that, Zabuza took his leave, and all of the lights slowly flickered back to life. Kakashi, thinking about what had just happened, was in a state of shock. It wasn't everyday that you saw an old dead friend, and it was even more unusual to be told that you were going to be visited by several more spirits in only..... Kakashi now took the time to look at the clock on the fireplace mantle. Approximately only an hour and a half until the first spirit was to arrive.

Kakashi looked around the room on impulse and then scoffed. He had to have been imagining things. There was no possible way that he had just seen the ghost of his former business partner, and the chance of being visited by three spirits was even more unlikely. What would they do, chat with him over a cup of tea, telling him about everything he had done wrong throughout his entire life? As if. Most likely, he concluded, something that he had eaten had caused him to hallucinate. Probably the kakiage (deep fried prawns and corn, tempura like. No, as far as I know, it does not cause hallucinations.)

Going into denial about everything that had happened in the past few minutes, Kakashi decided to go to bed and wake up early the next morning so that he could go outside and torture any caroler that dared to sing when he was near. After that, he could go up to little children and tell them the truth about Santa Clause, and then........ Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

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Ding, Ding, Ding. The clock chimed the hour, ten o'clock. Startled, Kakashi sat up. Ten o'clock. The hour of the arrival of the first spirit.....

Almost as if on cue, a bright flash by his door caused him to close his eyes. Upon opening them, he was shocked to find a blonde woman standing in front of him. He gaped at her, speechless.

Noticing his stupefied stare, she decided that an introduction was needed. "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past." She said. "But since that's a long title, you can simply call me by my name, Tsunade."

Finally snapping out his shock, Kakashi asked "Are you the spirit that I was told about?"

"Yes, I'm one of the three." She answered, simply.

Kakashi was still in a slight daze, and couldn't think of anything to say. Finally, breaking the silence, Tsunade said. "I'm supposed to show you scenes from your past, all of them taking place around Christmas time."

"But why?" Kakashi asked. "I know about my past since I lived it. I know that there was good and bad, but why can't it all stay buried? I have no use for it."

"It's my job to show it to you, and it could help you change the way you view the holidays and how you act towards people. Well, let's go, I've only got an hour's time to show you everything that you're supposed to see." With that, there was another bright flash, and Kakashi felt dizzy. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was no longer in his room.

The new setting was that of a classroom, with books strewn all around. It was completely empty, except for a young, silvery haired boy sitting at a desk in the back corner of the room. Several wide windows took up a large portion of the back wall, and figures hurried by on the outside. Curious, Kakashi went to look out of them, only to me shocked for the fourth time this night. The people walking by were his old friends and comrades from when he was training to become a great ninja. He turned to Tsunade, who already had an answer for him.

"These are images from your boyhood, back when you were in the academy. Notice the boy over there?"

Kakashi turned to look at the boy, knowing what he would see. It was him, thirty years younger, and all alone. Piles of books lay beside him, and he was slowly turning the pages of one, digesting all of the information. However, he seemed quite bored and in his own way, lonesome.

"As you know, it's you" Tsunade continued. "Instead of going home to be with the only family that you had left or to spend time with friends, you constantly studied and worked hard for much of the day."

Kakashi moved closer to the boy and kneeled next to him. "Yes, I remember that." He said. "I wanted to train hard so that I could rise to the top of the ranks and be like my idols. I didn't bother to make time for anyone else."

Tsunade smirked, as if knowing what would happen next. Which, as the ghost of Christmas past, she probably somehow did. "Yes." She said. "But later in the day....." She never got a chance to finish her sentence, as the door exploded right then, and someone pretty much flew into the room. Startled, both Kakashis looked up, the younger one dropping his book to the ground as he jumped off of the chair.

"You little jerk!" The dark haired woman in the trench coat yelled. "You were supposed to be home hours ago to help me decorate! Take a break on the holidays, you idiot!" With that, she angrily threw a kunai at his head, and it imbedded itself in the wall as he ducked. While the young Kakashi trembled in fear on the ground, the older one laughed. "Yes, that was my older sister, Anko." He said. "She always had a taste for flashy entrances and dangerous stunts."

Meanwhile, Anko was picking her younger brother up from the ground. "Get up from that floor, baka! You're coming home right now, and you're going to help me decorate the tree. Then you're going to make the dumplings while I go shopping for the miso for the soup. And if those dumplings don't come out perfectly....." She grabbed her kunai out of the wall and glared at him to get the point across. Mess up the dumplings and die, simple as that.

"She really loved to eat dumplings." Kakashi explained to Tsunade, who was watched the scene with an amused expression on her face.

"She died a young woman and had one son, right?" She asked.

"Nope, she didn't die." Kakashi answered. "Although you are right about her having one son. My nephew, Naruto."

"Well, then what happened to her?" Tsunade asked.

Kakashi sighed. "She got sent to an institution a little over five years ago. Apparently, she thought that some holiday charity workers were actually two missing nins in disguise, and chased them down three streets before the ANBU squads managed to stop her."

"Wow." Was all that Tsunade was able to say. "Just.... wow. Did anyone actually believe her?"

"Of course not. Why would a missing nin want to disguise him or herself as a charity worker and collect money?" Kakashi scoffed. Somewhere, two shadowy figures were laughing evilly as they counted all the money that they had collected......

"I won't bother to answer that. I have another scene from your past that I am supposed to show you." Silver light blinded Kakashi once again, and when he was finally able to open his eyes, he saw that the scenery had changed once more. They were now in a large and cheerfully lit room , and people milled around laughing and gossiping as they worked on filling out forms. Wreaths were hung on the windows, and colorful lights were strung across the walls and ceiling.

"Do you know where we are now?" Tsunade asked.

Kakashi looked around. "This is the office where all the jounin and chuunin file paperwork." He said. "I used to work in here a lot." Slowly, he walked around the room, investigating the people.

"There's Gai, who thought I was his eternal rival! And Aoba! And Genma! You know, I haven't talked to any of them in a long time.... in fact, I don't think I've really even thought of them much in quite awhile."

"And those people over there are?" Tsunade questioned, pointing to a corner where several men sat reading through papers. Sure, she already knew, but this was her job. She was supposed to make him think about his past and how it could have been, instead of just letting him keep it buried. And she was doing a pretty good job, at least in her opinion.

Kakashi walked over to them, studying each of their faces. "Iruka" he said. "The guy was naive, but was friendly enough and worked pretty hard most of the time. And he was rather fond of my nephew, I think. And that one next to him is....... Jiraiya, my old perverted teacher."

"And the one between them?" She asked, pointing at the silver haired young man that sat in between them, who was being gawked at by nearly every female in the room... and quite a few men as well.

"It's..... my nephew, Naruto?!?!"

"You idiot!!!" She yelled, hitting him over the head. "Look! Silver hair!!! In your memories! Who is the one person that it could possibly be, dumbass?!"

"It's me.... when I was in my early twenties!" He finally said. "Jiraiya used to pretend to be filing paperwork, but he was really just there because there was a hot spring next door. I went there because it was part of my job to report all the missions I had just completed."

Tsunade sighed. It seemed like she would have to point out every little thing instead of just letting him realize it. "And that woman over there is???" She asked, pointing to a woman sitting at a desk, filling out paperwork and talking with Anko. Kakashi turned and gaped at her.

"It can't be...." He said, gazing at the dark haired woman. "This must be earlier then I thought, cause I could've sworn that Anko was already in the mental institution by now."

"That's not what I was talking about, and you know it!!!" Tsunade screeched, hitting Kakashi over the head again. "Anko didn't get thrown into the institution until five years after this! Anyway, you're supposed to answer my question!"

"Oh.... yeah.... that's.... ummm.... my ex-girlfriend. Kurenai." He replied, wringing his hands. "Believe it or not, we were once in love."

"What happened to her?"

"I... uhhhh.... don't remember!!!" Kakashi lied, shaking his head and turning away.

"Then let's go through your past and watch it. I think that it took place about two years after this."Tsunade said, knowing what his reaction would be.

"No, wait!!!!" A silver light engulfed them before he could say anything else. This time, he opened his eyes to find that he was at the bridge that was on the outskirts of Konoha, where Kurenai was sitting on the railing, waiting for someone.

"You liar. If you didn't remember, you wouldn't have panicked when I suggested coming here."

"Okay, I remember perfectly." Kakashi admitted. "We.... broke up."

"You mean she dumped you, right?" Tsunade said with a laugh, before giving him an apologetic look. "Look, there you are." She pointed to the figure of a man walking down the road, towards the bridge. Kakashi sighed and sat down on the ground, knowing what would happen next.

"Yo." Kakashi said, jogging over to where Kurenai sat. "Sorry I'm late again"

"That's okay, I've gotten used to it." She said, smiling. Then her grin disappeared, and she sighed. "Kakashi, we need to talk."

"About what?" Kakashi asked, looking baffled.

"I know that you love me, and I love you as well, but this just isn't going to work out. You have large, grand dreams that involve being the strongest ninja in all of the world. My being there would only get in the way."

Kakashi started to say something, but she quickly interrupted him. "Also, I've agreed to date someone else."

"Who?!" Kakashi asked, shocked. The look in his eye said that someone was going to suffer greatly, just as soon as he found out who that person was. Unless it was one of his friends, then he wouldn't know what to do. Like if it was.....

"Iruka" Kurenai answered. "He's a sweet guy, and he enjoys simply teaching, and wants nothing more out of life." All was silent for a moment, then she continued. "I know that you may despair now, but that shall eventually fade. One day, you'll wake up, and you'll only remember this as a useless, unproductive dream. Good-bye, Kakashi." As she walked away, Kakashi stared after her retreating figure for several minutes, then turned the other way.

"Why didn't you follow her?" Tsunade asked the Kakashi that was sitting next to her. He glared back in response.

"I wish that you would allow these memories to stay buried! Going through them again isn't going to change a thing about me! I want to go back to my house, now!!!"

"Fine, fine." Tsunade said, sighing. "I wanted to show you a few more things, but my time here is almost up. Remember, the past can be buried, but never fully forgotten." With that, a bright yellow light flashed into his eyes, and when he could see again, he found himself lying on the floor of his house, no spirit in sight.

"Tsunade? Spirit?" Kakashi called out. There was no answer. Kakashi pulled himself up off the ground, and looked around. No one was there, living nor dead. He heaved a sigh of relief. However.......

Ding. Ding. Ding. The clock struck eleven.

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This chapter was noticeably longer then the first, but I don't think that it was near as humorous. Oh well. I'll make up for it in the next chapter, I promise. Finally, you'll all get to see which characters make up the members of the Crotchet family, and Naruto is back, this time with Sakura and several of their friends. Until then, Ja Ne.


	3. Ch 3: The Ghost of Christmas Present

A Naruto Christmas Carol

Ch 3: The Ghost of Christmas Present

I'm really sorry, but I was unable to do anymore work before Christmas. The next chapter should be out before January 5th. At least I hope so. I have a major history project due on the third, and I'm most likely going to spend at least half of this week working on it.

After a long debate....with myself.... I finally managed to decide on who to use as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Originally, I'd had the idea of using Chouji, but changed my mind. Also, you will now finally meet the Cratchet family..... Just a warning: You will be shocked when you see who Mrs.Cratchet is. I don't think that anyone has even come close to guessing who 'she' is. And in this case, 'she' is a she. I got the idea when I was rereading volume three for the fiftieth or so time, and came across a line where I believe Naruto's words were "He's even girlier then Sakura!" Those of you who are not in shock now from figuring it out will be very soon, I promise.

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Ding. Ding. Ding. The clock struck eleven.

Immediately, Kakashi jumped to his feet and looked around. However, he neither saw nor heard anything out of the usual. Just the sound of the wind, bells chiming the hour, and giggling coming from inside his closet...... Wait. Giggling. Inside his closet. Kakashi promptly threw a kunai towards it, followed by several shuriken. The giggling stopped. Then the door opened, revealing none other then....

"Are you.... are you the Ghost of Christmas Present?" Kakashi asked, his voice barely a whisper due to shock. After this night, the poor man was going to be traumatized for an awfully long time... getting shocked so much in such a short period of time simply cannot be good for your health.

" Not only am I the Ghost of Christmas Present, but I'm also the Super Pervert!!!" shouted Jiraiya, beaming his typical smile.

Stupefied, Kakashi could do little more then stare, but finally managed to gasp out "But... but.... I thought... I thought you were just some normal person, not a spirit!!!"

"It's a long story." Jiraiya said, shaking his head.

"I have an hour and a half to spare in between your visit and that of the next spirit."

"Fine then, I guess I can give you the shortened version. Basically, I hit on someone I shouldn't have, and not only got pummeled, but forced into this job as well. And yes, I am very much still alive... I only turn into a spirit when I'm forced to help with cases like yours."

"That actually doesn't explain very much. Who beat you up, and what do you mean 'forced into this job'?" Kakashi asked, puzzled.

Jiraiya grinned for a moment, but then sighed. "Tsunade, the Ghost of Christmas Past." He answered. "You see, Sandaime was the person who held this job before me, but..... his spirit is in the death god's stomach now. Since he obviously couldn't keep the job, Tsunade had to go around looking for someone to replace him. And after I pissed her off, she went and picked me, against my will, just to be spiteful."

"Well, I'd have to say..... that draws considerable vacuum. "

"Yes, it does." Jiraiya said with another sigh. "Well, we've wasted enough time. Let's get going."

"Where to? How are you supposed to show me the present? I only live in it everyday."

"Yes, but not like this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kakashi asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Look out the window. What do you see?"

Kakashi glanced down at the slumbering town. "Konoha?"

"Look closer, and think."

"Uummm... trees? My yard?" said the still puzzled Kakashi.

"No, you baka!!! What do you see in Konoha?"

"Oh. Sorry, didn't know what you meant."

Jiraiya sighed yet again. Fourth time in only a few minutes. The poor guy.... " Look. There's the bakery, with the lights left on so that everyone could see the fancy cakes and drool."

"And there's my neighbor's very much overly decorated house, every square inch covered with lights that have glared into my bedroom window since they put them up in September ." Kakashi replied as he glared at the master piece of over-decoration, although the strength of the thousands of tiny blinking lights soon began to hurt his eyes.

"Look how nice the bathhouse looks with all the lights on the roof"

"Oh, the book store has the Itcha Itcha Paradise books on display in the window. I'd forgotten all about those..." Kakashi said sadly, thinking of all the happiness he had once received from reading the series.

"WHAT?! You stopped reading my books! But you were my biggest fan! How could you?!" Jiraiya yelled, his mouth dropping open in astonishment.

"I guess I just got too busy..... I can't believe that I forgot all about them!!!" Tears sprung to his eyes and he was forced to wipe them away. Oh, how he had loved those books, reading them every waking second and then some. Now, he couldn't even remember the day that he had stopped buying them and marking the release dates on his calender.

"Oh well." Jiraiya said with a shrug. "At least now I know what to get you for a Christmas present. Now let's get going before I run out of time. If I'm late even though I was given extra time.... well, I don't know what would happen. It just probably wouldn't be all that good." With that, there was a bright purple flash, and when Kakashi opened his eyes, he found himself in someone's empty dining room. There were cheap looking dishes in a worn cabinet, and battered candle sticks on a wooden table. The smell of turkey wafted in from the kitchen.

"What the.... why was that flash purple? I would never have thought..." Kakashi didn't bother to finish his sentence.

"Tsunade didn't give me any color choices...." Jiraiya muttered. Just then, the room's lights flickered on, and a blonde girl carrying a giant fan entered.

"Yo, Kankurou! Put your dumb puppet down for a second and set the table!!!" she barked. A minute later, a boy wearing dark clothes and face paint appeared.

"I don't see you doing any work..." he muttered as he obeyed her command and proceeded to set the table.

"What did you say?" She asked, holding her fan up with an evil grin.

"Noth.....nothing!!!!" Kankurou squeaked before running to hide behind the other side of the table.

"Temari! Kankurou! Are you two fighting again?!" A voice yelled from the kitchen. Both teens jumped, and immediately went to work cleaning. A second later, a woman wearing copious amounts of make-up and a pale white apron over her green dress appeared, several needles in hand. "Do I need to remind the two of you of what happened to you and your younger brother the last time you all started fighting?" She asked, pulling several needles out from a pocket of her apron.

"No." Temari grumbled. "I did not enjoy being used as a pincushion. And I don't think that Gaara appreciated having tons of make-up applied to his face after you realized that none of the needles were hitting him." She was forced to duck as a senbon whizzed past her head and shattered a Christmas ornament that hung from the wall.

"Who are these people?!" Kakashi asked Jiraiya, both shocked and amused at the same time.

"Don't you recognize the family of your own worker?"

"You mean... this is Lee's house? And his family?"

"Yes, his wife and two of the three kids. The other one is with him right now."

"They seem rather.. ummm....I think dysfunctional is the right word."

"Yeah, that seems to be the best description."

There was a knock and the door opened, revealing Lee and a young red headed boy. Lee placed his coat on the coat hanger, and then went to hug his wife.

"Haku, my dear! Good evening! Is dinner ready yet? "

"It will be in just a second. How did little Gaara behave at the psychiatrist's office this time?" she asked with a sugary smile on her face that made Kankurou pretend to gag when he thought that she couldn't see him. Unfortunately, there was a mirror in front of her, and a needle soon darted towards him, scratching his arm as he dove to the side in an attempt to dodge it.

"Well, he didn't attempt to kill anyone this time." Lee answered with a small smile. Gaara glared at no one in particular. He just _knew_ that they were all laughing at him on the inside, even the voice in his head said so. Just like how it had told him that his father was the one who had stolen his eyebrows, and that his mother was the one who had used eyeliner to make the marks around his eyes, which weren't washing off even though he had used almost every sort of soap imaginable. For years, he'd been refusing to sleep just so that she couldn't add any more of it to his face, yet the marks continued to grow darker and thicker, making him look like some kind of raccoon or panda.

"So then my little Gaara was a good boy!" Haku said, pinching his cheeks. In turn, he decided to focus his glare on her.

"I'm not little!" Gaara yelled. "I'm twelve years old, dammit! Stop calling me little!!!"

Haku grinned. "Then help your mother in the kitchen, that way you can prove you're not little anymore. That sound good, little Gaara?" Gaara glared in response, but followed her into the kitchen nonetheless. Kankurou soon followed, knowing that if he didn't, he would get chewed out later.

"Dad? Is Gaara going to be okay?" Temari asked Lee in a worried voice. Lee sighed.

"This psychiatrist had heard of him and didn't want to even enter the room. I had to drag him in, and then the guy simply sat there, staring at Gaara and fidgeting in his chair."

"I guess that all we can do for now is hope that he doesn't decide to murder us all in our sleep." Temari, with her part said, went to finish setting the table. As Lee was picking up the pieces of the shattered ornament, Haku walked back into the room, followed by Gaara and then by Kankurou, who was carrying a turkey so small that if it was a pizza, it would have been a personal pizza, compared to the large pie that a typical turkey would be.

"Dinner's ready, and what a thankful meal this is. Look, isn't it such a nice, humble turkey?" Haku beamed at the plate as Kankurou placed it on the table, and everyone took their seats.

"What's with the midget turkey?" Kakashi asked, turning to Jiraiya. "That would be enough for one or maybe even two people, but not five! Why didn't they buy something... more full-grown?"

"You should knowLee's salary better then anyone, Kakashi."

"Well, Gaara, as promised, I will not call you little anymore." Haku said. "From now on you are tiny Gaara."

"Not funny. Not funny at all." Was his muttered reply. His siblings sniggered.

"Now, now, let's all calm down and have a happy meal. After all, it is Christmas!" Lee exclaimed, a pleading look on his face. "Now, who would like to say grace?" To the shock of everyone in the room, Gaara slowly raised his hand. However, Haku immediately grabbed it and pulled it back down. "Why don't you say it this year?" She asked Lee.

"Well, I guess that first of all, I should thank my boss, Kakashi-sama." Upon hearing that, Kankurou began choking on the string-bean that he had grabbed when nobody was looking, and Temari was forced to hit his back as hard as she could, several times. Haku glared at her husband.

"Yes, let's thank him. I only wish he were here so that I could stab him with my— I mean give him a piece if my mind, hoping that he might choke on it."

"I feel so unloved now." Kakashi muttered, to no one in particular.

"But, Haku..." Lee pleaded. "It's Christmas."

"So?"

"The children...."

Upon hearing that, Temari leaned towards Gaara and Kankurou and whispered "Sure, we can be used as pincushions and mannequins for make-up practice, we can even be ninjas, but we can't hear someone talking about how they wish they could murder someone."

Haku sighed. "Fine. A toast to Kakashi. May he have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year."

With that said, everyone began to eat the small meal that had been prepared.

"Is that kid.... Gaara... is he okay?" Kakashi questioned.

"In less then one years time, I see am empty chair and a sad family waving good-bye as he is driven to the local insane asylum."

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"What did you think when your sister got sent there?!"

"Well, even if it's sad, I don't see how I'm connected to any of this. It's not like this is my family or anything."

"Then let's visit the relative that you do have."

"You mean we're going to the asylum to visit my sister?!"

"No, you fool!!! We're going to Naruto's house!" With that, there was a bright purple flash, and Kakashi opened his eyes to find himself in a well sized room, although it was slightly crowded due to the amount of people there at the moment. In the center of it all stood his nephew, Naruto.

"No, no, really!!!" Naruto shouted. "I'm telling you, it was this big!" He spread his arms out while everyone laughed. In the back, a rather drunk Kiba stood up.

"I believe you, Naruto! Once, I was walking home from a mission, and one of the giant hamsters you're talking about almost ran me down! Then, it stopped to apologize, and carried me home." Upon hearing his words, Hinata buried her face in her hands in embarrassment while Shino simply shook his head. He remembered being the one to carry Kiba home after the mission where he was knocked senseless by a rock that fell from a cliff side, not some giant hamster. Sure, on the way home they had been almost run over by someone riding, of all the possible things, a yak, but he had no clue as to where a giant hamster fit into the equation. However, he did know that he would never again let Kiba drink sake. Ever. His dignity as the dog loving ninja's comrade and friend was on the line. He sent a meaningful glance towards Sakura, who nodded and moved the sake bottle out of Kiba's most likely blurry line of vision.

While Hinata and Shino dealt with their embarrassment, Sakura had put up with her own thanks to Naruto's choice of topic, but in a prideful sort of way. After all, that part of his personality was endearing and lovable in its own way. However, a new subject would be nice...

"Naruto, how did your meeting with your uncle go today?" She asked. From the look on his face, it was definitely the perfect thing to say. Who wouldn't want to talk about their stingy, cold-hearted uncle that they loved even though the feeling wasn't mutual?

"The same as always." Naruto said with his trademark grin. "I got kicked out in less then five minutes, and then thrown into a snowbank." Several men in the room groaned and money shifted around. Apparently, there had been some betting on the amount of time that Naruto would be able to pester Kakashi before getting kicked out. Shikamaru, his prediction perfectly accurate, found himself with a lot of spending money on his hands.

Out of nowhere, the doorbell rang. While everyone else watched, Naruto opened the door to find a group of three people caroling at his doorstep. They seemed strangely familiar, although he couldn't quite figure out where he had seen them before....

"Sakon!" The redheaded one whispered. " Isn't that kid the ass that messed with us back when we were bringing Sasuke to Orochimaru-sama?"

"Yeah! I'd recognize those marks on his face anywhere!" Sakon replied.

"Quiet! If they recognize us, we won't be able to finish our part of Orochimaru-sama's plan!!!" Whispered the third member of the group, jabbing the other two with his elbow. He then looked up at Naruto, appearing to be similar to a ghost with his pale skin and almost equally white hair. "We are collecting money for needy, would you like to donate?"

Smiling, Naruto reached into to his wallet, and dropped several bills into Kimimaro's outstretched hand before going back into his house and closing the door. As soon as it was shut, Sakon and Tayuya sighed in relief.

"You know, this is one of those times that I hate being a sound-nin. I never would've thought that I would be going around to houses, singing songs and posing as a charity worker, all just so that Orochimaru-sama can raise enough money for his new plan." Tayuya complained. "Why doesn't he just steal the damn money?!"

"At least we don't have to dress up as Santa and his elf, like Jiroubu and Kidomaru are doing right now." Sakon said with a baneful laugh.

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Meanwhile, in Naruto and Sakura's house

"Hey, Naruto, what did you mean earlier when you said that I would get to meet a relative of your's tonight?" Sakura asked, puzzled. She already knew his uncle, and his only other living relation, his mother, was in the local insane asylum. It wasn't like she could escape from the place, right? Her thoughts were promptly answered by a the sound of a window breaking coming from the kitchen, followed by a loud thud.

"Anko, special jounin and mother of the host of this party, has arrived!" Yelled the dark haired woman.

"What they hell?! How'd my sister manage to get away from all of the guards?!?!" Kakashi asked Jiraiya, bewildered.

"Now do you regret not accepting Naruto's invitation?"

" Yes, but only because I'm curious about how Anko escaped.. After all, if I told someone about everything that's happened to me tonight, they would send me to the insane asylum, and I would need to know how to escape."

"Then why don't you simply just listen?" Jiraiya suggested.

"Mom!!!" Naruto shouted with glee. "You finally managed to get past the guards!"

"H-h-how did you---- man–manage— to esc—escape, Anko–san?" Hinata asked.

"Simple. As a former student of Orochimaru's I learned all about summoning snakes, and after I realized how weak the walls were, I simply summoned one to break through them."

"But why did you come in through the kitchen window? Wouldn't it have been much easier to simply knock at the door?" Sakura enquired.

"Well, yes, but my method of escaping wasn't exactly perfect. The guards kind of noticed that something was happening when the giant snake smashed through the walls, and now I have three ANBU squads after me. Using the door just wouldn't have been a very intelligent idea....."

"Time's up. We have to head back to your house now, or we'll be late." Jiraiya told Kakashi.

"Can't we just stay a little longer? I want to see what happens when the ANBU manage to find Anko."

"No! If we're late, I'll be facing the wrath of Tsunade and the next spirit." With that, there was a purple flash. The last thing Kakashi saw before being forced to close his eyes was the door being broken down while Anko jumped out a window and onto the head of a giant snake. After that, it all went black.

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Kakashi slowly opened his eyes, and found himself inside of his living room, no relatives, perverted spirits, or ANBU in sight. He let out a sigh of relief. Only one more spirit to go, and then it would all be over.

On the wall, the minute hand of the clock struck the number six....

* * *

Well, only one more chapter to go. After that, I have a few new fanfics that should be out soon, and I plan on updating 'Of Sunsets and Scarecrows' as soon as possible. Coming out soon shall be::: 

1.A Naruto/Sakura fic. I got ideas for it from someone who can't stand this pairing, and who loves to argue with me over it. Hehehehehe... you know who you are, Katie-chan.

2.An angsty little one-shot focused on Hayate, who shall be forever missed. Damn you, Baki!

3. A fic based on the missions of The Random Ninjas, namely Genma, Hayate, Raidon, and Aoba.


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